Need

I was thinking tonight about how very much I need my God. Intellectually, I know that he is love and grace, peace and hope, joy and mercy. I know that he is my most basic need. In one sense, there are many things here on earth that I really do need. But I know that in the end, he is the only thing I really, truly need.

I need him so much. I need him more than I need a friend or lover. I need him more than a good job or a comfortable home. I need him more than a cozy bed and nice clothes, more than a car that works or a reliable cell phone. I need him more than wonderfully distracting books, TV shows, and films. I need him - only him.

But I think that actually live that, fully believing it, will be a life-long pursuit. I spend so much of my fleeting life substituting one person or thing or habit for him. But maybe that’s what this life is all about: learning to need him. Maybe I’ll never really get it right. I’m pretty sure I won’t ever get it all straight during this life, and it’s very possible that I will never fully realize that knowing him and being loved by him is enough. And all too soon this will all be over. And I’ll look into his eyes, and he’ll smile and remind me again that he really is all I need, that he really is enough. And it won’t be too late.